The interesting thing about feeling valued is that no one can do it for you. No one can make you feel valued unless you first feel it yourself. It is a gift that we can only give to ourselves.
I used to want to be famous. Really famous, Brad Pitt famous. I wanted to be unable to leave the house without being hounded by strangers and I wanted my days to be filled with interviews about how my life was going and who I was dating. And as I grew older and somewhat wiser, I began to see that I didn’t actually want to be famous, what I wanted was to be interesting. Not interesting like a nuclear physicist is interesting, or in the way that Nick Cave is interesting. I wanted people to be interested in me just because I was me. What I wanted was to feel like other people valued me. And I wanted this so badly because I didn’t value myself.
As I began to work on finding value in myself, my desperate need for others to find me valuable faded. As I took an interest in my true needs, I no longer needed others to find me interesting.
Of course, it’s always incredibly uplifting to have someone express to me that they see my value. But sometimes I look back to people doing that in the past, and I remember feeling almost nothing. No matter how much someone loved me, I couldn’t absorb it. Their kind words and gestures hit against my hard skin and fell to the ground. These days, I am willing to accept their love and their gestures, simply because I have that love for myself.
This week I will remember the value I bring to the world around me. I will celebrate myself and value everything that I am.