There is nothing quite like the feeling of your brain entering the building (your body) again.
I recently found myself at the bottom of my well-being cycle. I know I am at the bottom when the things I love feel like a burden, when replying to texts or emails becomes impossible when time turns to slow motion and days go by. Days go by. Days go by. I have a pattern of getting vulnerable, of getting well then getting busy, then losing touch of my needs and boundaries, then not being able to cope. I have spent a lot of time trying to come to terms with the inevitable ups and downs of this cycle, of my well-being, as no matter how much I learn and grow, it is still so so so hard down there.
It’s not until my brain enters the building again, that I realise just how much my anxiety and depression affects every single move I make. Living my daily routine again but now with fresh energy and a recharged perspective is both exciting and frightening. I find myself pondering the harsh catch-22 of self-help….how unhelpful it is that the tools, tips and strategies I love to create when I feel good are the hardest to activate when I need them the most.
I feel so excited for my new energy, but aware also of its ability to leave me at any moment. The only way I can find clarity right now is to put in the work when I can. I am on my second day of eating three full healthy meals!! I am on my fifth day of journaling!!! I have begun to tackle the large list of ‘unread’ emails, facebook messages and texts that have been looming over me. I guess I am learning to meet myself where I am each day. This is a term I love to use when working with other people, meeting them where they are. But I think it is the hardest to find enough self-love to do the same for myself. Does it matter that I will at some point get lost again? How do I value my good days without disregarding the struggles I was so recently living and breathing. Right now, I will endeavour to savor today. To feel the treat of sunlight on my face. To be brave enough to enjoy the laughter when it finds me.
I often feel overwhelmed when acknowledging that these feeling are not rare in this world.That we all find ourselves here at times. That I can’t possibly understand your version of this, that I can’t help you all.
The irony of running a well-being studio while jumping head first into my own experience is that I so often find myself hesitant to emotionally show up, yet I am forever learning that connection to you and your stories is my driving force forward. That when we connect, I find it so much easier to accept and own my story.
Today I am grateful to feel like me. Maybe I won’t feel the same tomorrow, but let’s talk about that then?
Yea, let’s keep talking…