Trust is the only way we get anything done in this life. I get out of bed in the morning because I trust that productivity will lead me to more happiness than sleeping will. I eat breakfast and I trust that every person in every process of every product which comes together to become my breakfast did their job well and produced my food in a safe way. I leave the house because I trust that it is safe to, that my stuff is safe inside and that I am safe out. I get in my car because I trust every other driver on the road. And I arrive at work because I trust that it is the best way to spend my day.
By the time I sit down at my desk, I have already trusted hundreds, maybe thousands of strangers.
And yet, a colleague walks past my desk and smiles but then looks down and instantly, I feel a surge of mistrust build in me. Why did she look down? Is she mad at me? Did I do something? What did I do? Am I being fired today and she doesn’t want to let me know? Have I messed up? What job will I do when I’m fired? Will that job be enough to pay my rent? Will my partner leave me if I don’t get another job? Am I going to end up homeless and alone? How will I cope?
Despite my unconscious ability to trust thousands of people by habit, on some days I can’t seem to trust those closest to me, maybe those who deserve it the most. And I have to ask myself, where is my trust in those moments? Where is the trust that my colleague is a mature, kind person, able to assert her needs? That if I’ve done something to offend her, it’s her responsibility to come and tell me about it? That I am good at my job and have done nothing wrong? That my life is strong, I am strong and that I can trust myself to cope with any situation which life throws my way? Where does my trust go in those head-spinning, irrational moments?
This week, I will keep an eye on my trust. I will make sure it is being poured into the right cups and I will observe the ease in which I hand my trust to so many areas of my life. I will take steps, small steps towards trusting what scares me. And I will accept with courage the challenge of trusting the unknowns of my life.